One day I will wake to hear the cricketer turned demagogue Imran Khan on the BBC Today programme, vociferously condemning the Taliban for planting improvised explosive devices that have killed innocent farmers.
The next guest, the ubiquitous Clive Stafford Smith of Reprieve, will demand that the Pakistani government investigates whether or not the Inter-Service Intelligence agency (ISI) colluded with these Taliban, supplying them with the explosives, or pulled out security forces to enable them to plant them. Mr Stafford Smith will also be keen as mustard to get to the bottom of ISI activity across the border in Afghanistan, where Pakistan egregiously flouts Afghan sovereignty. A token MP will appear, perhaps the Tory Rehman Chishti, questioning the moral sense of the Taliban, in knowingly killing innocent civilians, thereby losing their hearts and minds campaign among ordinary people who mysteriously never vote for religious parties in any numbers. Touchingly, the family of Rashid Rauf, mastermind of 7/7 and an ensuing plot to destroy several transatlantic flights, will angrily reject attempts by ambulance-chasing activist lawyers to persuade them to sue over alleged MI6 collusion in their son's death in a 2008 drone strike. Since this is a rolling bandwagon, the millionaire socialite Jemima Khan will bring all her investigative and PR skills — acquired and honed during years of partying — to bear on men who shoot teenage girls for presuming to attend school. She will distribute digital cameras so they can record Taliban atrocities.
However, I am pretty certain I will never experience such a morning. Instead, the media will continue to be saturated with coverage of what is clearly a co-ordinated campaign (connected with Imran Khan's political ambitions) to discredit the most effective tactic the West (and others) has to combat terrorists operating in the vast ungoverned areas of failed or failing states: Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia, Yemen and, now, Mali and Mauritania.
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